Dysfunctional Dancers: Part 1 Of Many to Come

Well, you may know that I am a pretty serious dancer.  I had a weekly rehearsal with my ballet performance group tonight.  I am the oldest one in that group.  There are ten of us, and I would like to describe them all for you since you will be hearing about them a lot.

Me: AWESOMENESS

Willow: She's the 2nd oldest.  Ugh, she's sooo annoying...  Whiny and sad when she doesn't get her way.  Bossy and annoying all the time.  Thinks she's God's gift to ballet.  Overdramatic.  One of my least favorite people to walk this earth.  And her mom thinks she's way cooler than she is...

Shelby:  She's 3rd oldest.  In cahoots with Willow, also very annoying.  Those two follow me everywhere.  She's pretty spoiled, and likes to let everyone know.  She takes stuff and never gives it back.

Tati:  The epitome of spoiled brat.  She owns her own business, and wears Michael Kors (she's nine) and has two ipads.  She has the best of everything, yet she can't pick up on choreography to save her life.

Emily:  She farts constantly in class, it's awful.  She is generally quiet, and has some potential.  She is just really unattentive and gets bored really easily.

Charlotte:  The smallest in our performance group,  she's really cute.  She is a great little dancer (better than Willow and Shelby who are 3 and 4 years older) and she works really hard.   I'm 5 years older than her, and I respect her.

Lily:  Also a good dancer, and really mature for her age.  I think she is one of the better dancers in our performance group, an enemy of Shelby's.  An enemy of Shelby's is a friend of mine.

Becca:  She is adorable.  She was my partner in the Spring Show this year, she was great.  She listens and needs some technical work, but her sparkling personality on stage totally makes up for that.

Piper:  The cute, freckled kid.  Every group should have someone like her.  She's just the funniest thing ever.  She is scared of Willow.  But then again everyone is.

June:  She doesn't say much.  At all.  She blends into the background, but is a good dancer.  Her legs are like 200 miles long, it's not fair.  We go to certain stores to hide from Willow, Shelby, and occasionally Tati.

So today we had Breast Cancer Awareness day, because it was the 1 year anniversary of some teacher's death from breast cancer.  They wanted us to wear pink.  I brought extra stuff like ribbons in case people forgot.  I gave one ribbon to Charlotte because she asked me nicely.  Then Willow was like   "Hey, Dahlia, get me something pink!"  I was like, slow down bitch, I don't even know if I have anything left!  I did though.  I decided to hold a contest for my pink sweater to wear.  Me and Becca were the judges.  I had them do our Angels dance from the Nutcracker, and the clear winner was Lily, cause she was the only one who remembered it.  So Willow gives me this "Oh no you didn't" look.  Come on.  It's a sweater.  And then Shelby punches Lily, greaaaatttt.  Well, I'll let you know how tomorow's rehearsals go with these guys.

Dahlia

One of THOSE Days

It was one of THOSE days today, when its cold and cloudy outside, and Mrs. W opens the windows and turns on the A.C.  When English Teacher wears skinny jeans and pretends to sound smart when she's really making no sense.  When I have to label the parts of the heart, to be subsequently called an idiot when I cannot find the pulmonary valves (well I know now.)   Well, Mrs. W does NOT like me.  Maybe she's jealous of my normal size.  No, I'm pretty sure she embraces her fatness.  Maybe she's jealous of my I.Q.  I'm not even that smart, but hey, I'm smarter than her.  I did the homework in literally 3 seconds, and she got mad cuz I didn't show work for 2+9=11 seriously.  Then in English.  Oh crap, English Teacher rambles on and on and then says "SMILE!  YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!"  How can I be happy when I have HER as an english teacher?  I think I'd better scowl instead.  She's making us rewrite some dumb thesis and it will be just as bad as before.  Maybe even worse.  Well, bye everyone...

Dahlia

Storytime: Mr. Brannan's 5th Period

Last year, I had a very entertaining algebra class.  The teacher was Mr. Brannan, a very flamboyant guy who wore woman's shirts and weird hats.  My two good friends and I, Shannon and Mallory developed a dislike for Mr. Brannan and his weird ways.  Our tricks to faze Mr. Brannan got in the way of grades, though, me and Mallory in particular.  But aside from our awful grades, we always did something really fun in our back corner of the class, in the midst of Brannan's strange and at times perverted comments.  Mallory and I LOVE Saturday Night Live.  After every weekend, we'd come to school, and the first thing we'd say to each other is "Did you see Stefon?"  "Wasn't Lana Del Rey terrible?"  "Wasn't that monologue hilarious?"  Once, we decided to write a skit for Stefon on weekend update, one of our favorites.  I will post it later once I find it in my pile of old schoolwork and other crap, but just take my word it was really funny.  Please, if you've never seen Stefon on weekend update, youtube it.  But anyways, we kept reading our original skit, and Mr. Brannan took it from us and put in his collection of random toys, broken phones, and letters he got from students.  His one rule was, "once something goes in my jar, it may never come out."  Well, reciprocating our skit was not gonna happen, so when Brannan was standing at the door of the room, I snuck over to his jar, and took out the skit.  He never found out.  I was definitely blunt with Mr. Brannan,  on the last day of school I told him "This was the worst class ever."  Well, I regret saying that, because 1/2 of my classes this year are worse than Brannan's class for sure.  And after taking his shirt off in front of us, calling me, Shannon and Mallory witches, and the teacher's aide a vixen (and it was a dude) and 19 letters of complaint to the principal, no progress was made.  I really got absolutely nothing out of that class, just countless laughs, some humiliation, and the knowledge to never trust a math teacher who watches Game of Thrones when he should be grading tests.

Ouch, My Hand

I just punched a wall.  Yeah, there is a dent.  I am PISSED at english teacher today.  To PISS her off, even though I doubt she'll read this, I'm going to use words she hates.  PISS.  That's a GOOD place to start.  She is a BAD teacher.  I'm going to use lots of slang, (which I'm sure would make Tyrone very HAPPY) because she yelled at us today for usin' SLANG.  So, I'm gonna make a list of thing that I am VERY PISSED about.
1.  SHE IS WEIRD!  If I haven't convinced you, her favorite shows are Phineas and Ferb and My Little pony.
2.  SHE GIVES YOU THE GRADE SHE FEELS LIKE GIVING YOU.  If she hates you, sorry, you have a D.  She claims that the grades you get in your freshman and senior years make no difference in college acceptance.  Coincidentally, those happen to be the two grades she teaches.
3.  SHE GIVES US SOOO MUCH HOMEWORK!  If grades don't matter, why don't you just fail us and let us eat chips for an hour?  My stress level would decrease by 100%.
4.  SHE TREATS HER TEACHER'S AIDE LIKE A SPOUSE.  This is probably the most disturbing.  This poor guy.  She calls him "honey" and I've seen her spank him once or twice.  Who in their right mind would ever sign up for that job?

I'd like to introduce a new term.  It's AITF.  Short for ASS IN THE FACE.  Everywhere I turn, some teacher's ass is in my face.  It's awful.  It always happens to be, well, a king-size teacher, (Biology, Math, and English)  which makes it more disturbing.  AITF has many useful uses.  If someone's ass is in yo face, first of all.  Another use is for when someone, a teacher in particular, is treating you like $h!t.  It's like they're sticking their ass in your face, just to PISS you off.  Other uses may include being blown off, being directly insulted, or judged.  Let me know who's AITF'd you today, in the comments, or on Twitter, @jacksondahlia11 #AITF.

Tyrone.

            Hello. My name is TYRONE. A little about me: I have just entered high school, just like them other two people on this blog. I got a sister around 8 years older than me, but we get along with eachother very well. I'm a generally good citizen, except for the fact that I intentionally cause anger to swell up within individuals through the medium known as the "Internet." I'm close friends with Dahlia and Jackson, more so with Jackson, but still good friends with both. I was invited to go ahead and create some BLooooog posts by Jackson after I had complained so much about my new school and the idiotic student population it holds within it's school walls between the hours of 8 A.M. and 3 P.M. You see, I used to live in the same area as mickie d and j j, but then I moved. So now I go to a shatty school with very few nice people and an abundance of morons who cannot seem to figure out whether China is a country...(it is)  Anyway, it seems I have some interesting things to say, and venting anger towards out through a blog? Why not. Expect a lot of content because my school is full of idiots and people who refuse to just shut the bleep blop up and be good little morons.

                           Yo' brotha,
                                         tyRONE

Homecoming- A Dilemma

Several kids are facing this dilemma.  Homecoming.  Just the word itself stirs tsunamis of confusion and frustration in my already troubled brain.  I don't really know if I should go.  I mean, it's from 7-11:30 first of all.  They won't even let you out until 11.  People will probably get bored, knowing the nature of the kids in my town.  And you know what they do when they're bored?  Three things. 

 #1.  Violence.  These kids think it's real funny to throw punches.  Woo freaking hoo.  Good for them.  It's bound to happen.  And I will just be traumatized and anxious to leave.

#2.  Drugs.  Uh, well, there are a certain number of people who smoke pot in the courtyard, and walk into 3rd period drunk.  If tonight is a night for trying new things,  I'd prefer to not be a part of it.

#3.  Sex.  Yeah, enough said.

And I'll be honest, I may have quite a few friends, but in these super social settings, I am a mess.  Do you know what happened at the last school dance I went to?  Me and two of my friends, Aubrey and Shannon, just ate Snicker bars and danced for about 5 minutes, looked at guys we thought were attractive, then see them in the light to find we were very wrong.  My ideal "social setting" would be eating atomic cinnamon fireballs and talking to my friends for an hour or two.

The next dilemma is the dress.  There is no pleasing the many-minded fashion gurus that walk the halls of high school.  Black=too emo.  Red=slut.  Blue=expected.  White=wedding ceremony.  Pink=too childish.  Green, yellow, orange=no taste.  And that leaves me with brown and purple.  Brown is rare, and is hard to wear well.  And purple is impossible to find shoes to go with.  So why shouldn't I just ditch this dumb dance?  I would rather play "go-fish" with Ciaran and Thea for an hour.  Oh, and lastly, I don't feel like spending $30 on admission, $40 on a dress, and $40 on shoes that I'll only wear for a night.  What do you think I should do?  Please share.

Annoyed, Frustrated, Furious

The more I keep re-reading this idiotic contract for English class, the more angry I get.  "Students must whole-heartedly use the intellectual standards as a guideline."  "Anything written is subject to the Academic Honesty Code and Discussion Protocols."  Signing this paper, I feel like I'm signing my creativity, innocence, and sanity away.  (As well as several of my natural rights.)  Whatever happened to thinking for yourself?  Being creative?  Original?  Taking the road less travelled?  All these wonderful things I've learned, and I feel like high school, this English class in particular, is taking all that away from me.  The one thing I ever liked about school was being resourceful, imaginative, out-of-the-box.   And these horrible rules are just ripping out of my hands.  My stupid teacher, "Be original, don't plagiarize, blah blah blah."  Well, I'm sure if I wrote something completely and utterly spectacular, so that even her years at college couldn't hold a candle, she'd give it a high C at best, or claim I plagiarized.  Because this is a freaking public school.  I'm not saying the grass is greener on any other side, but this school is definitely corrupt.  If this is what they want us to think, to annotate books instead of connecting with the characters, to blindly analyze Shakespeare instead of performing it, or at the least, enjoying it, then who's gonna lead this country when all the lunatic teachers are too fragile to leave their recliners?  People who stick to crummy rules?  Or people who dare to break them?  If you don't take risks, you can't get very far.  I have a challenge for you.  Take a risk.  Challenge authority.  Try something new.  Five weeks of high school and I've already lost my marbles.  Check in with me later to see how this works itself out.  Spoiler alert:  it probably won't.  Chances are I may not be alive.  I may be crushed by some fat person.  If you know me, you know who this is.